What the Name Lauryn Hill Means to Ngina

Flip on my phone and you’re bound to see the titles “Adam Lives in Theory” or "The Mystery of Inequity" as the most recently played song. Before that you may notice my screen image: a smiling black woman with thick hair, and thick high heels, and white and royal blue knee high baseball socks. To the left of this gorgeous woman reads “Lauryn Hill’s Real Life" on the cover of Rollingstone Magazine.

A direct translation of her name or of the phrase as a whole is Ngina Shillingford’s inner thoughts and indescribable emotions. Sound extreme? Well it is. To you, because you’re not me or my inner thoughts and indescribable emotions. Lauryn Hill herself might find this ridiculous but I’d blame her ingenious music before trying to explain myself. New Jersey native, Hip-Hop and R&B vocalist, expressing reggae sounds that make me question whether her hometown South Orange, New Jersey should be renamed Kingston, Jamaica. Regardless Lauryn Hill creates music that is completely true to herself and this doesn’t go unnoticed. Articles have been written addressing and attempting to make sense of Hill’s complex persona. When you mention her name it usually followed up by a question, a wonder, a “where’d she go?”, an "ain't she crazy?” About why she left the Fugees or how many kids she’s had, or her relationship with son of Bob Marley, Rohan Marley, or whether or not she will ever release another studio album. Now your probably thinking that because I am “obsessed” with her these are concerns of mine as well. Surprisingly they’re not. I’m way more focused on her music and the feeling I get when I’m listening to it. The repeat cords on her MTV Unplugged album or the piano introduction to “the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill” (the song not the album). In all honestly, her music grazes my headphones everyday. I go to sleep listening to “Ex-factor” wake up to “Nothing Even Matters,” write history papers to the “Mystery of Iniquity” and cry every time I hear “I Gotta Find Peace of Mind”. Lauryn Hill’s work had become the soundtrack to my existence. If you find that extreme, that’s completely reasonable. Lauryn Hills lyrics understand me and everything I try to articulate in words and puts its into sounds so beautiful. If she’s not singing it to me, then I’m probably singing it to myself. When someone tells me I sound like her, I freeze and take it as a compliment I am deserving of. The truth however, is that I love my own voice the most when its singing one of her songs, whether the subject matter is identical to something I’ve experienced or not. In an NY TIMES interview she's said before that she’s “speaking to the guy in [her] head” but what she doesn’t realize is that she’s speaking to all the guys that have ever been or will ever be in my head. She speaking to every political issue I’ve ever found myself getting loud and upset about. Every social misunderstanding I’ve had, every contradiction I’ve been ashamed of.

She puts it in words and to beats so powerful and beautiful they can reap benefits, financially for her, spiritually for me. Extreme? Perhaps. But for me its more true than it is extreme. Though ninety percent of her music has some effect on me the song I feel sums it up the most is the less popular “Social Drugs”. The title explains the song but doesn’t do it justice. It's an over riding metaphor about the social pressures of our society and how they are inflicted upon us like drugs. Hill, being true to herself, doesn’t make this song a mockery of our society but instead a powerful self-reflection. Now if that concept doesn’t excite you, then do yourself a favor and listen to the song. In fact, if you’ve never heard any of her work, I’d suggest listening her. Start with the days of the Fugees and move toward The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill Album. Or to give you some perspective, the more recent rendition of "Killing Me Softly", that’s her. Or the sample for Kanye’s "All Falls Down", yea shout-out to Lauryn Hill, not Syleena Johnson (the featured artist on Kanye's track).

Even with all of this explanation I haven’t said everything I’ve wanted to about Lauryn Hill. So we should probably converse about her work one day, playing some “Doo Wop (That Thing)” or “The Sweetest Thing.” your choice because I love them both.

I’ve mentioned little about her beauty, her voice itself, her acting ability, how her music is able to impact me in an extreme way even though most of it was released before I was old enough to understand it. Her music is just that classic and clear that it can resonate with me even though I haven’t seen her in a tabloid since whose-knows-when. The reason for her disappearance or the opinions about Lauryn Hill’s sanity are all simply amusing to me. My theory: she was a genius, frustrated with our society and its nonsense, so she had to get out of it. Kudos to her.